Friday, November 27, 2009

My Fanfiction, Evil Rises!

I wrote a fanfiction!! Well, chapter one of a fanfiction. It's posted on Winx-Fairies but I decided to post it here too! And since I don't have a Fan Creations page (If you people would send me some stuff, I'd make one!) I'll post it right here!

(This story is going along by the theory that the Winx reverted back to Enchantix when going back to Magix and get Believix once again when they visit Earth. This story takes place during Season 5)                                                                             
Evil Rises
                                                Chapter 1: The Storm
The Winx Club had just finished their daily classes and came back to their room.
“Hey, why don’t we go out to the mall Bloom? I heard they had some awesome new sales there today!” Stella urged.
“Sure! I’d love to! I wanted to change up my wardrobe anyway.”
So they went to the mall. They saw multiple police cars there and went to find out what was going on.
“What’s wrong!?” Bloom asked sounding worried.
“A break-in. The burglars are still in there….and they both have guns. But we have them surrounded and they can’t hurt anyone.”
“I’m not taking any chances! That’s MY mall!!! I’ll get ‘em!” yelled Stella.
“WINX ENCHANTIX!!!” the girls said in unison.
(Transforming Music)
And they flew fearlessly into the mall.
“Don’t move! You have guns, but we have pure magic!” Stella said as the burglars snickered. “Why are you laughing!? We’re MUCH more powerful than….HUH!?!? They disappeared into thin air!! Where could they have gone?”
The girls flew back outside and saw the men’s faces in cloud form above them. They heard echoing voices.
You thought we were harmless! Did you think that these were our real forms? Foolish fairies! I am not some brainless criminal! I am the mighty Baltor!!!”
“And I am the mighty Lord Darkar!”
“I thought we killed both of you! What happened!?” Yelped Bloom in nearly painful confusion.
“Like we would tell you! Bwahahahaha! Now, feel the wrath of our pain, the hurt of our destruction!!!”
And suddenly, a colossal tornado appeared. It sucked up every building in the area the second it appeared. Already many people were gone. The fairies saved who they could; only two people, and rushed away. They knew they couldn’t do anything. As they flew for their lives, a new tornado appeared. Then rain started pouring down, only to be followed by lightning and thunder. The girls zoomed back to Alfea, hoping they wouldn’t be too late.

(Like it? If you do, post comments! I’ll only make the next Chapter if you do!! If I get enough comments, I’ll make the next chapter. Thanks for reading everyone!!)

As I said, I'm only going to make the next chapter if I get enough comments! Thanks for reading!!


  1. I liked it Ian. Please write more chapters I want read more.

  2. Stella's lines deserve an award mate! XD

    can't wait for another chapter =D

  3. An awesome and suspenseful story. ^^
    Please, continue it. ^^

  4. no i meant UR really detailed. oh and b the way im Mariana, u refered to me from 'una di noi' like a a month ago.

  5. Ooh! That's pretty cool! I'm writing the next chapter now, but I have a LOT to do, so it'll be a while.

  6. "A break-in." I'm not sure if that is even remotely close to what you described. A break-in is usually trespassing on private property.

    Second, I think you are giving too much credit to magic. Which would hurt more? A bullet or a bolt of magic? A bullet is definitely more fatal than a large blast because of the smaller area of damage a bullet will make.

    Lastly, this almost felt like a piece of literary nonsense. (Look it up. I'm not explaining it.) Your cause and effect were from no where and I could not see your line thinking about how one thing got to another. Why didn't you start at the mall rather than having Stella saying "Hey, let's go to the mall?"

  7. @Kikurukina Bal Des'cagel

    Thank you for your corrections. I will certainly keep them in mind for the next chapter. But imagine this, if you were shocked with 100,000 volts of electricity continuously for 60 seconds, or if you were shot, which would hurt more? Thank you!

  8. Invalid. The argument was the size of blast and damage afterwards, not electrocution. What are you trying to achieve? The most pain or the most likely to kill you. Bullets cause much more pain because you are likely to be conscious after exit while you might black out or die outright from electrocution. I don't think you're truly appreciating the deadliness of a bullet because its the state of shock that the body goes into that kills the person.

  9. @Kiku

    Sigh. You're probably right. (Me and my stupid modest personality!) I have always appreciated magic though. I don't look at the tiny details like you. (Not an insult, a compliment.) But this is my first story so it's not fully correct grammatically. Also, I loved Verboten. I'm on the 12th chapter. It's really great! Thanks!



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